Death of The Barbie Doll Syndrome

No matter if the girls run it, or if it is nothing without a woman or a girl, the world still belongs to men. Let's face it, for all of it's natural splendor and wonderment, the Earth is a cruel place. It has brought down dinosaur and humbled great civilizations. So, it safe to say that a man is the best equip and naturally psychotic enough to take it on. I'm privy to the anthem of independent woman and I respect the movement of girl power, but most women need and want a man.

If you look back into my archives you will see that I am very sentimental to the plight and pursuits of women. I am not here to declare that I totally understand all the inner workings of the female psyche, but I am, at the least, sympathetic. I realize that as a man, I have never worried about locking my doors, the stranger walking behind me on a dark street or the crazy person breathing on my phone at 3 a.m.

Women fight over the wrong guy

I'm a pretty big guy with an intimidating presence, so vulnerability is not a natural instinct of mine. And this sympathy for women grew out of those rare moments when I encounter a guy bigger than myself that caused me to I say; "Wow, that's a big dude!", followed by, "Oh, that must be how the world looks at me"?

The world can be a very frightening place and you need a special someone to help you navigate it. Unfortunately, the people closes to us are the most likely to hurt us. So, when it comes to love, the disappointments can be hard to bear and even harder to heal from. Desire for a family and children run strong in women. As time passes, one may feel the need to press the process along and thus, make relationship blunders. It happens to the best of us.

In the pursuit of a worthy, male counterpart, too many women are falling for, fighting over and crying about the wrong guy. It's gotten really bad and I have my opinions why. I grew up with older sisters that, as little girls, were handed Barbie dolls and, as teens, they were given make-up and clothes. This may be considered great teaching tools for homemaking, but are awful teaching tools for home "shopping". My sisters were taught how to accessories and imagine how their adults life would be. Many women have their Prince Charming already picked out to compliment their wedding dress. It's really cute to watch little girls play house. However, when grown women play house it's not so cute.

I noticed how women's mistakes in their love pursuits mimicked their childhood play. I call it the "Barbie Doll Syndrome". The Barbie Doll Syndrome is a process in which a woman take a man and attempt to make him over to fit the mode and model of what they desire their mate to be. Much like the doll, women favor the potentiality of a man with less regard for his reality.

Most women need and want a man

In the beginning of the process he seems so dangerous and exciting! Traits like these are irresistible to some. Who wants a doll (man) with it all together and nothing to work with, right? That's no fun! I believe many women label these safe and predictable men as "boring" while gravitating to the more exciting and unpredictable work-in-progress types.

Now, it's noble to look at a person for all they could be and to assist them in living out those aspired attributes. However, it's important to make sure those aspirations match up to the person and their true abilities and efforts. It's important that they align with your true attributes and intentions.

Yes, men do change! The reality is that men change because they desire to, not because they a prodded. Further reasoning why your ex is such a cool guy after you broke up with him. Sucks, I know!

To do my part and show love to the ladies. For those of you who are doing it BIG and running the show, but have yet to add that complimentary mate to there impressive resume, these are just a few ways that may help you avoid the Stevie J's of the world and hook yourself a Denzel Washington.


Rule#1 The Best Way To Get Over A Man Is To GET Over Him!

Your hairdresser is a good listener. For the price of a great hairdo therapy should be included. However, she is not clinically certified while your behavior may be feeling clinically certifiable. You are a truly independent, boss chic so, you have to "live that life". Nothing is more distasteful than re-living your pain of a bad break up with a prospective suitor. Getting "under" a new man when you haven't gotten "over" an old one just piles on more problems. Plus, women hate to be compared to other women, so avoid doing the same to your new mate, by completely getting over your old one.

Rule#2 You Read The Lines, You Don't Write the Script...

If all the world is a stage, then you better be a great actress. Know your role and play it well. Let him play out his role, so that you can see if he genuinely have leading man credentials. Too many times, ladies like to write out the whole script! Writing evokes the imagination. Relationships reside in reality. Not a good mix. As a result of trying to write the script, you may have the whole show planned out from start to finish. I'm sure its an Oscar winner in your mind, but it turns into a B-movie when you realize you've casting incorrectly.

Rule#3 Think With Your Head, Not With Your....

Women love to say how men think with their penises. No argument here. The truth is men think with there penises to get laid. Having sex, to most men, has little to do with falling in love. Unfortunately, good sex drives many women bananas and they fall in love, through their sexual relationships.We call it getting "sprung", but its more like "going dumb". If you can't discern the difference, it's best you don't indulge. As a matter of fact, if you really are looking for a husband, save the cookie for dessert. Celibate dating prevents an unnecessary soul tie and makes it a lot easier to see the genuine person, thus making it easier to break it off or know if it's the real deal. Plus, he really will have more respect for you...I know, right?!

Rule#4 You Can Only Learn From Your Mistakes, Not His...

Lets keep it one hundred...Women hate to admit they are wrong. And just because someone does something wrong to you doesn't excuse the fact that your retaliation was equally wrong. So, before stepping back on the dating scene, really evaluate the things you did wrong in the last relationship and grow from it as to not repeat it in the next...men do this much better than women and we take longer to date seriously after a bad relationship. I know that annoys women, but why "hurry up and waste time" when you are not fully ready?..Hint: Too many notches on a women's belt are not hot, unless you're hitting the gym!!

Rule#5 In Love, 1+1=1

There is a saying that love "fills in the negative space with positively everything". Though its waxes poetic, whomever wrote this line was drunk outta their mind! In the mathematics of love, two wholes make a whole. Don't look for anything in your mate that you can't provide for yourself. If you are broken over the past or haven't set yourself on a path to accomplish what you want in life, then stay single. You don't have to be near the finish line, but you have to be in the race. And he better be in the same race with you, too!  Love takes all of you...it should at least give you that much back! AT LEAST! Know your wealth!

WITH SO MANY CHOICES, MEN CAN CHOOSE WRONG

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from God- Proverbs -18:22

A good woman is easy to find. Most women are inherently good prospects for lasting relationships. Perhaps, it's because of the natural bonds that women share and their sense of family. They readily share information and gather together for girls' nights and conferences and even, the kitchen table at barbecues. They share generations of information about life, love, family and the latest news and recipes. This bond has helps them sustain good traditions and values over the generations.

We men like to categorize all this as just plain gossip. We do ourselves a disservice when we make such blanket statements. These circles that women forge are vital to our society and their personal growth as a whole. It explains the dynamic strides they have made in a world long dominated by the male perspective. Perhaps out of necessity, these alliances between Mother and daughter, sister and friends have survived religious and misogynist persecution. Truth is, male philosophy and rule has done nothing but solidified the bond between women.

Women naturally choose the side of one another

Though "catty" at times among themselves over beauty, outfits and hairstyles, when the lines are drawn between the male and female perspective, woman naturally choose the side of one another. While men are moved by power to commit such despicable acts as murder and racism and heresy, women are peace oriented creatures bound by love and companionship. Throughout history we've see the results of such manic power like slavery, feudalism and segregation be brought down by the defiant love of a woman. Coretta Scott King and Benazir Bhutto are a couple of examples.

I live in Los Angeles and there are plethora of wonderful good-looking women. I prefer Black women, personally, and there are even more good choices in this group. They come in all fascinating shapes, hues and cultures. Some days, just walking down the street is a neck workout in itself. I found my head to be on a perpetual swivel amazed at all their beauty and mannerisms. It had gotten to the point where I, like most men, began to panic as to how I would choose the right one.

They come in all shapes, hues and cultures

I wondered how, with all these great choices, we were all falling "in love with a stripper" or the "botox bandits". Not to degrade a woman for being an exotic dancer, but it speaks to the irony of the matter and the obvious lack of a man's self-worth and moral judgement. I would love to tell you that I chose poorly, but this is not the case. If a man chooses poorly it is not a reflection on the types of available women, but on the type of man he truly is. My bad decisions were based on me just being a bad self evaluator. I had plenty of good choices, but bad decision making skills.

We don't gather like women and pass down pertinent information on manhood. We gather for war deployments and tailgate parties. Most of our time is spent arguing Kobe v. Lebron or lying about who has more women than the other. So, in honor of the gentlemen who have turned the corner of Maturity Street and Future Avenue, seeking good taste and lasting companionship, I decided to list the five best ways to bag a Mechelle Obama and avoid the all too addictive Kim Khardasians.


Rule #1 Make Sure She Has Great Intelligence...
A sea of beautiful women is a wet nightmare! I liken it to having a universal key at a Ferrari dealership. All the Ferraris look hot, so you want to test drive them. The only problem is, only a few of the cars have "great engines". You'll lose interest hooping out of 50 cars before you find the one that lives up to its' billing. Ask the right questions, listen to the answers carefully and avoid the bad test drives. A nice "ride" can help you go much further, much quicker in life... GPS standard.

Rule #2 She Can Make a Dollar out of Fifteen Cents
My dad always told me that a woman's test in life is material and a man's test is a woman. Discover if she is resourceful and thrifty. She shouldn't be a poster child for Goodwill, but they shouldn't know her by name in Bergdoff Goodman either. Nothing like breaking your back for a woman who just has to have the latest and greatest of material things to feel good about herself. Low self-esteem is expensive! This is also a sign of Daddy issues. You should only "play" Daddy in those intimate moments or "be" Daddy to your kids.

Rule #3 Give Rappers The Middle Finger
The only advice worst than a woman's single girlfriend, is the that of your typical MC. They don't have all the girls, they don't take every other rapper's girlfriend or have the biggest Johnson. They aren't married to the super-hot stripper in their videos. Most of the rappers in a relationship are in one with a modestly attractive high school sweet heart, a career woman or the "around the way" girl that made homeboy chase them. Snoop Lion, LL and Ice Cube are some examples, to name a few.

Rule #4 Your Mother Isn't That Hot and You Ain't Either
One of my biggest pet peeves is when my unattractive friends with beer bellies and pathetic social skills, go all Simon Cowell on a girl. Remember, if women were as aesthetically judgmental about us as we are about them, then most of us would be single. Thank God they aren't! So show the man upstairs some gratitude and pick someone with personality, depth and a godly spirit like your mother. She should make sure you are fed, pester you about your health and drag you to church. You'll make a happy family and she'll make you happy. Love is the best beer goggles! It makes everything more beautiful! Plus, it's free and the hangover is awesome. Beauty fades!! Don't believe me? Think about how many of your friends' moms are MILFs....I'll wait.

Rule #5 Don't Look Around, Check Yourself
This is really the first rule. Look at what you have to offer before you go out interviewing prospects. I understand the urge to take a resume or two. Been there, bro! But you gotta take the reins and pull back a bit if you don't possess a good benefits package. Don't give me that crap about "gold diggers". Not buying it!! If your prospects are gold-diggers than you are probably a "Shallow Hal" type dude. If you wanna sign a blue chip women you better have a max contract to offer. That offer doesn't just mean financial. Financial gain is just the result of being hard-working, spiritually ambitious, focused, grounded and insanely committed. If you aren't these things then you better look for a mentor, a college, a church and a better job. If you think it's cool to mooch off a female then you, my friend, have the dreaded Mommy issues! Address that first. It's not what's hot on the streets, right now!