Thank you, Haters! I'm Better Not Bitter!

DGK Skate company has found a way to make it cool to be hated on

"If you don't have any haters, than you are not very gifted..My enemies get me blessed and help me uncover my weaknesses"- Bishop Noel Jones

Nothing gets under our skin worst than hearing someone is talking bad about us. Most of our lives are spent trying to improve out station in life. Some of us do this by means of furthering our educations or exercising our bodies. It is never any fun for us when that work is marginalized by someone's words, who (more times than not) has no idea who we really are or what we are all about. Haters are often times defined as the antitheses of productivity and positivity. 

We, in California,  love to think in terms of  "positive energy". Though a great portion of it is merely suppression of reality, it allows us to cope with what is a highly competitive and treacherous economy. It becomes a means of guarding ourselves from the fiery darts that are thrown our way. Unfortunately, it is basically a form of self-repression that doesn't allow us to show our true feelings. This on the surface can be a valuable exercise in terms of avoiding suffering. However, when examined in depth, it hinders us from true expression and the release that comes with sharing, trusting and identifying with one another in a more intimate light. In layman's terms: "IT HINDERS OUR BLESSINGS".

Moreover, the psychological consequences of shielding ourselves leads us to generalize all forms of criticism as "hater-ism". This is contrary to the truth. Perception, in my opinion, is the greatest enemy of reality. We often times seek camaraderie and not authenticity. You have seen many memes on social media about watching, thrashing or pointing out haters. In our sensitivity we equate all forms of opinion contrary to our own as simply hate. 

Now, I grew up in the Midwest and anyone who has been there knows we shot from the hip. We aren't taught to mince words or dance around the truth. In a direct opposite of the West Coast, which has no love for the weary, we may cut with words, but, indeed, we are extremely more empathetic. I was raise to hear "what someone is saying, not how they say it". The present era is responsive more to the inflection of the words rather than the validity of the words. 

This paradigm has given way to more flattery in our psychological diets and less fulfillment. The lack of the latter is evident in the larger swath of people suffering from arrest development hindering growth. God allows us to grow through tribulation. This is the very definition of "growing pains". It's the natural order of life. You can never know how far you can go unless you are tested or prodded. The natural inclination of humanity is to look for the easy way out. God, knows that we are high and lazy minded. We equate love with being secure and comfortable. This is the excuse many use to justify why they don't believe in God. We, in our finite minds, don't see the love or benefit in being allowed to go through trials and tribulations. But is appeasement really love?

A mother may throw her scared child in a pool because that child could not get over her fears of drowning. In this era that could be considered child abuse. Mom's reason is to force that child to overcome the perception of that fear and push her to her destiny of conquering fear and realizing the joy of swimming. A father my not console his son when he falls off his bike and skins his knees. It may sound rather cruel, but it is has more value than you may notice at first glance. They father is using this to instill the familiarity of pain to help his son realize his threshold for it and thereby not allowing it to prohibit his future quest of mastering his craft. Parents show a hug amount of love by sometimes eliminating ego in their children and themselves. I used to hear my parents say: "This hurts me more than you". I thought that was preposterous at the time until I had children. But it takes an enormous amount of love for someone to let go of the impulse to nurture for the greater good of empowerment.

Many memes on social media make fun of haters

We all bear witness to the large amount of people in our society who have not been fully vetted and otherwise had their egos stroked and desires unchecked. They have left countless blood baths in schools, parent-less children throughout the globe and broken relationships abound. The "spoiled child" grows up to be the "unbearable adult" that is selfish and impulsive and for the most part counter-productive. The are the dregs of society that will rob, steal and kill to feed their impulses. Many inmates today can trace the inception of their criminal lives back to the lack of guidance and restraint as a child. Criticism and chastening breeds self-control.

Not all hate is bad hate. It is all merely how you take it. We all hate! I am not a fan of Kobe Bryant. I often criticism (hate on) him for his lack of self-control during his profane laced interviews or his selfishness toward teammates on and off the court. It is not that I "hate" Bryant, it is more that I have higher expectations of him. I feel that to be a Laker like Magic Johnson or Jerry West goes beyond the court. That aura has power to shape dialogue in politics and civil arenas. Kobe is extremely gifted. And being gifted means you are going to be criticized. It come with the territory. Criticism is sometimes directed at you because your personality and talents have a direct influence on people. For example, it hurt my feelings that people at my job, while saying that I was the nicest person they knew, often labeled me as arrogant and intimidating when I was not around. Only because the Holy Spirit revealed scripture to me did I take a righteous approach to this information.

James 1:2-5 declares: "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various (trials); Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given. 

So I took this wisdom ( I wonder if someone would call that hater-ism) and applied it. I came to the realization that they weren't actually mad at me, but more so down on themselves because I had received numerous accolades and my production numbers were exponentially higher. It was merely a vocal way of justifying their lack of performance. More importantly, I also failed to take in account that with being gifted requires being a blessing and I had not made myself open to being approachable. This is why they labeled my intimidating. Unlike them, when I saw a co-worker be highly lauded for his great performance, I merely asked him to come to his office and observe his methods. I applied those methods and become instantly successful. Where I was unsuccessful was in expecting others to find their way like I did. This is a form of arrogance. They were not wrong after all. 

I came from an environment that encouraged emulation of success and not the marginalization of it. But empathy allowed me to understand that we are all merely victims or victors of our environment, so I could not expect them to do it like me. Instead, I pretended not to know this information and treat those haters good! Under the direction of a co-worker and the tutelage of my boss, I asked questions about their lives, likes and  general welfare. They opened up to me and found that I wasn't a bad guy and began to ask about some of my methods. I obliged their inquires, but encouraged them to trust their training all the while being open to other ways. We bonded and it was more beneficial to me than I would have thought. Besides, I plan on leading these people soon. True wisdom is distinguishing between the words of a perceived adversary from the worthy critiques of a genuine counterpart. 

God uses adversity to strengthen our philosophy and reveal our weaknesses. Children are generally encouraged to try. Adults have to be thrust into their greatness by motivation. The greatest motivator is the idea that one cannot or will not succeed. Athletes call this "having a chip on your shoulder". Christians call this "being anointed". Whatever your faith or way of life, avoid being quick to shot down criticism. Perhaps, you are not as good a singer as you think or not as smart or well liked as you would have others believe. We all tend to think too highly of ourselves. A little humility can go along way in bridging the gap between our desires and our destiny. So before you feed off the desserts of flattery, try swallowing the nutrient rich pill of criticism. I, trust it will work out more to your benefit. It may not go down as smooth or taste as good, but the truth will always make you free. The truth can only make you better not bitter. 

Dedicated to three men who have suffered more hate yet showed more love: Jesus Christ, Barack Obama and LeBron James.