A Tribute to Momma

Cassaundra "Sissy" Barnes

 "There are times to think in legality and politics,

          but there are very few times to live privately by them."

When I was two years old my "momma" rescued me. I was living in Alabama with my teenage uncle and grandmother. My biological mother was not around. I had been placed in the hospital due to my uncle's juvenile activity. He was very happy to have me around as he was the youngest and only male child. Pictures of me in a crib clutching a vodka bottle revealed just how happy he was with my company. So happy, in fact, that he and his cohorts, got a thrill out of blowing marijuana in my face as an infant and watching me crawl backwards on the floor. When she found out, my "momma", who hadn't met me yet, was irate and demanded my father head down South and bring me to her care. Again, my biological mother was not around.

My father had just been honorably discharged from the U.S. Army when he met a beautiful, single mother in Indianapolis, He took a job as a postman and she was a customer on his route. She was tall and fun and had a great smile and a very cute 5 year old daughter. They started dating and got married. My father and birth mother divorced before I was born. Though my father never talked much about my birth mother, he did tell me that their divorce stemmed from her having a daughter that she didn't want to raise and the fear that she would get pregnant and do the same to his child. He was right on all accounts.

But this is a tribute to a "MOMMA" not a mother. There are times to think in legality and politics, but there are very few times to live privately by them. Anyone can be a "mother" or a "father". Those titles grace the birth certificates of most all Americans. However, when applied to life, these titles must evolve from semantic terms to romantic organisms. To survive, they must reside in the realms of love and care and mercy and honor and forgiveness and history. To the political or the corporate these romantic titles appear watered down and colloquial. But, to the soul who is blessed to call upon these titleholders, the words "Momma" and "Daddy" are as sweet and endearing as the Lord Jesus Christ himself. 

I was blessed the day I arrived in Indianapolis to be cared for by an organic mother. I was blessed to have a momma! My momma taught me innumerable things about life and I retained a significant amount of what she taught. Her teachings and examples have help form my philosophy. We both share a socially eclectic personality, though I am not as carefree and friendly. We both are prideful, hard-working, fiercely independent and self-reliant. Moreover, we don't "ask" for things, we politely "demand" them. She more polite than me. We feel that if we have to ask you then you already owe it to us seven-fold and this is a great opportunity for you to equally contribute to the relationship. We also share a knack for heroism and being assertive to the task at hand. She rescued me from drowning when I was ten, despite the fact she could not swim. I saved my son from being hit by a car.

My momma taught me a lot about women and dating. What she taught me will remain disclosed, but I will say this: What your father doesn't know, your mother should tell you!

More importantly, my momma and I had a deep connection of friendship. She spoke to me about issues in ways that my siblings may not have understood. She spoke candidly about her impending death and insisted that I take up the role of head of the family. I seek to honor all that she entrusted in me. On her death bed, she remained strong, despite knowing that the end was near. This was no surprise to me since she had pushed the envelope the entire decade she was ill. She danced and partied and hit the road every chance she had. Many of those trips ending in the hospital, yet failed to altered her lifestyle or deter her from living life to the fullest.

Time is truly limited for all of us. Time is not to be taken for granted. It moves fast for the distracted, but time has a soft spot for loving memories. It blesses us with long walks and talks. It hangs it hat to sits down to relax for family dinners and outings. If God is Love and time is His, then it's best to use both wisely. It is best to put both together. And if God forbid, you loss a loved one, you have the blessed memory of those special moments. You have time to reminisce.

I have not cried about my momma's passing. It's hard to cry with a heart full of joy and all you see is a smile on the person's face when you reminisce. She lost a son and a mother while she was sick, but she never lost her spirit. She didn't break down and she never bowed out. Sometimes, I viewed her as another one of my sisters. When one of the us kids admonished her from an ill-advised trip or for sneaking sweets at night, she would just give this child-like grin of innocent mischief. Now, I know that it was just determined defiance. Now, I know why I do many of the things I do. And, now, I know why I have stuck it out in Los Angeles so long, despite it not being in my life's plan. Pure determined defiance. The refusal to be beaten by anyone or anything.

I am so grateful for my momma. I am grateful for her love and her energy. I will always cherish the memories of her. Some memories are wonderful like laying with me when I was a sick boy, some memories take me way back like Sunday morning breakfast before church and a few are heart wrenching like our last conversation. I and those who knew and loved her have a lifetime of good memories. Good memories make time stand still.

Please, don't "hurry up and waste time"!! We avoid the hard route and attempt to evade the tough decisions. Besides, when we run from problems and difficulties, time just runs faster. It chases you down like a linebacker and run circles around you like an Olympic sprinter. Time entertains no excuses nor does it hike along the easy highway. Time stands along the bumpy roads and cheer the souls of determined defiance. It immortalizes those who accepted the challenge and who embrace responsibility. Time crowns the strong and upright with Legacy.

I am also grateful that my "mother" sent her condolence via social media. My mother and I have no memories, no inside jokes or photographs to look back on when our lifetime nears its end. This is not because she didn't do well in life. She had no excuse not to be a "momma". No criminal past or drug addiction. Just a law degree for her troubles. She chose to run. Unbeknownst to her and many of us, trying times and unexpected situations are the very things life uses to thrust us further and take us farther.

Perhaps, I will save the smiles of nostalgic joy for my "momma" and cry the tears of  impeding sorrow for my "mother". In her golden years, I pray she lived as well and touched as many people as my beloved momma. But, if avoided obstacles cause peaceful memories to elude her, time will still be there to give account. It will whisper reason and calmly explain: "You were not around".



I love you, momma! May God reward you for your sacrifice, remove all sorrow and pain and allow your soul to rest in peace!