The Power of Quiet

 “Happy is the man that finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding” –Proverbs 3:13

Whether you are a believer in God, or not, I pray you believe in the power of wisdom. Wisdom is usually that thing in hindsight that we acquire after we experience tragedy i.e. getting fired, or divorced, or lose a love one or a close friendship. Many people view this as enlightenment or an “awakening”. Regardless the definition, one could never question the validity of wisdom in understanding our life, our past and preparing for our future.

Regret is a powerful emotion. It leaves one paralyzed in circumstance like an addict and fearful of a worthy destiny like a battered spouse. Regret stifles reconciliation, tramples on dreams, robs the spirit of happiness and, most appallingly, begets more regret. Furthermore, regret can be hard to overcome.

I am a writer in my mid 30’s and I still regret quitting my Little League team, not re-enlisting in the Armed Forces and dropping out of college. Those are just a few of the big regrets. I couldn’t possible list them all. I am not a fan of regret, but I am less of a fan of having none. Regret is a sign of being decent. It’s too cliché to believe you can live your life without regrets. It’s far more realistic to try and live your life despite them.

Most of our regrets come from the wrong action at the moment of truth: not telling a love one you love them, an outburst of anger toward your boss when you’re fed up with mistreatment. I find that as an entrepreneur responsible for staff that resides from LA to NY, the best control I have over many situations that arise is to exhibit less control. “Let go and let God”. Sounds funny? It did to me. But it feels so good when the outcome is reached and you didn’t have to argue or be upset after. Losing respect and your station in life is not a just reward for winning an argument or being right about a matter.

Anger is an addictive emotion. It’s like cocaine. It gives you this out-of body high that seems to propel you beyond realistic rationale, but its hangover leaves you marred in contempt and remorse. In other words, it stymies you with regret. This just breeds more frustration and anger and thus more regret.

Losing respect and your life station is not a just reward for winning an argument

I exhort you to forgive yourself. Everything we do cannot define us. It is best to let YOU define your actions and not your actions define you. The first course of renewal is to forgive yourself.  The second course is to forgive others. I find that when you do these things the gates of wisdom swing open and the nourishing waters of understanding pour out onto your soul.

“Your soul is your emotions and that which drives you. Your spirit is that which God has given to you to guide you and balance the instabilities of the soul”, says Matt Souder of Souder Ministries.

This is why forgiveness of oneself or another’s is vital to cleansing your soul. In this way, the drive of your life force will be that of inspiration and optimism and not that of revenge and distrust.

How many times do you meet a special someone who is cursed with this kind of soul wrenching characteristic? Their inability to let go of the past makes it profoundly hard for you to develop a future with them. Non-forgiveness is a black hole on the heart that feeds on the weakness of a man and those who love him. I realized that my inability to commit to an intimate relationship stemmed from my unwillingness to forgive my biological mother for abandoning me. I thought that she was to blame for all my woes. I used this crutch to excuse myself of giving those who love me the respect and attention they needed. In the end that sense of abandonment only begot more abandonment. No woman could hang around in that situation so I ended up repeating that scenario.

How do we combat these regrets and find victory in trying times? When I was going through different trials I relied on many forms of solutions. Whether self help books or people I trusted, the information varies as does the degree of expertise. Everyone is willing to give an opinion. Unfortunately, most opinions are readily given and profoundly based on what the giver should have done; rarely than based on what the giver really did. And like the givers, the opinions are vast and confusing. So I have learned to rely on King David of the Holy Bible. He simple states:

“Be angry but do not sin. Mediate within your heart on your bed, and be still” – Psalms 4:4

Such a little thing, but the difference it makes is great! What we must realize is that there are supernatural forces at work to create our purpose in Life. We tend to approach everything in the natural and hence with what doctrine refer to as carnal logic. Let’s not forget that love and trust and human connection defy human logic and reside in the supernatural realm. When we are offended we tend to think of the offense and the solution in logical terms. This is where we fail, overreact and saddle ourselves with more regret. We have to come to terms with the fact that there is no logic to hate, distrust and dishonor. Who really knows the ways of their own heart, let alone someone else’s? We must realize our emotions are our driving, soul forces. As these forces change, so does our desires aspirations and destinations.

David had done a grave thing in the eyes of God. He committed adultery with the wife of one of his generals then had the audacity to have the man murdered to keep her. Talk about the highest form of player hating in the history of civilization! But thank God that he didn’t see David’s offense as David himself. We humans tend to judge each other readily by a significant act and not the body of work of the individual over a period of time. This is how anger and discourse is sprung up and debates and wars come forth. Like God we need to see our offenders with more empathy.

Anger is an addiction. It's like cocaine.

When David lost his kingdom as a result of his actions, he fled to the mountains and remained still with his God. He prioritized his life, forgave himself and his enemies and did the best thing a person could do in a troubling situation, he stayed still above the fray. David was to all accounts in the world, quiet.

Quiet is the epitome of control and power in hard times. Since most problems arise out of the variables beyond our control, it is best to avoid trying to control it. I am learning in my Christian faith that God is ultra willing to solve our problems if we would just get out of the way. When in doubt, we should surrender our logic and seek wisdom and understanding or as the Bible says: “…the peace that surpasses all understanding”(Phil. 4:7). Only then can we clear our soul and mind of anxiety and angst. This leads to wiser decisions and more just outcomes.

As a man, I was taught to solve problems. But, women say that they just want sympathy. This is very much like the teachings of the Gospel. I find that when I am impulsive and impatient, my actions are irrational and unusual. They have robbed me of my truest intentions and soured my reputation. These impulses have created an even bigger hole to climb out of. I have referred to this as “hurrying to waste time”. Retaliation and rebuttal are the flames of confusion. Matters tend to only get worst. I find that a sound mind and a quiet disposition can expose the true nature of a thing, but most importantly it renders you blameless at trial or in the public square. It extinguishes those flames.

King David not only returned to his inheritance, but was giving several times more than he had before. I exhort you to ask for peace in your trials and tribulations. Through that peace, seek wisdom. And in that wisdom you will find understanding. Understanding is the wisdom that proceeds confusion and negates regret. If you have enemies, avoid them. If you are mistreated, seek healing. And if you have been offended, do your best not to offend. The laws of our supernatural world apply to all. No evil will go unpunished, no offense will go uncorrected.  As for us, we can be unmoved and unwavering in our principle with the power of love and empathy. We will be exalted through the will of God and be victorious with the weapons of patience, tolerance and understanding. In the end, we will be honored by the power of quiet.